Report out today is that UNC apparently self-reported cheating in their soccer program. Soccer. Not football. Not basketball. Soccer. How effed up as an athletic department do you have to be to cheat in a sport like soccer? Not even parents or girlfriends show up for the games. It's soccer. Twenty-two guys kicking a ball back and forth to each other for an hour and a half. No one ever wins because no one ever scores. It's soccer.
The only "fans" at the game are the fat chicks who have the hots for the midfielder. They figure since the moms and girlfriends aren't there, they will be noticed and their gesture appreciated. Of course they are noticed - its the only damn person in the stands. Poor thing. Instead of being appreciated, she becomes and object of curiosity among the players:
Player 1: What's with the fat chick in the stands?
Player 2: I dunno. Know her?
Player 1: Nah. You?
Player 2: Heck no. You are the home team. I figured she was with you guys.
Player 3: Maybe she got lost.
Player 4: Or maybe she thought you guys were from Bulgaria.
Player 1: Bulgaria? Why Bulgaria?
Player 4: They dig fat chicks there, I heard.
Player 2: Where is Bulgaria? Is it in Nebraska?
Player 3: No, you dumbass - it's in Minnesota.
Player 1: Close to North Dakota, I think.
Player 2: Oh.
I wonder if the NCAA let out a laugh when they got the news. They probably thought to themselves: "Soccer? Who the hell cheats at soccer? If we punish them, will anyone even know?"
The only "fans" at the game are the fat chicks who have the hots for the midfielder. They figure since the moms and girlfriends aren't there, they will be noticed and their gesture appreciated. Of course they are noticed - its the only damn person in the stands. Poor thing. Instead of being appreciated, she becomes and object of curiosity among the players:
Player 1: What's with the fat chick in the stands?
Player 2: I dunno. Know her?
Player 1: Nah. You?
Player 2: Heck no. You are the home team. I figured she was with you guys.
Player 3: Maybe she got lost.
Player 4: Or maybe she thought you guys were from Bulgaria.
Player 1: Bulgaria? Why Bulgaria?
Player 4: They dig fat chicks there, I heard.
Player 2: Where is Bulgaria? Is it in Nebraska?
Player 3: No, you dumbass - it's in Minnesota.
Player 1: Close to North Dakota, I think.
Player 2: Oh.
I wonder if the NCAA let out a laugh when they got the news. They probably thought to themselves: "Soccer? Who the hell cheats at soccer? If we punish them, will anyone even know?"